Monday, 12 March 2012
I woke up today feeling pretty shitty without rhyme or reason, it just seems to be one of those days. I don't really know who to talk to when I feel stressed about training and life in general, it can be hard to explain why I spend so many hours training. Sometimes I even wonder why myself. So here it is. I knew in the first few moments, that was all it took. A silent promise made to myself that I wouldn't stop until I had mastered everything. The promise was solidified with each minute that passed during my first class in grappling. Every sweep, choke and joint lock was a thing on wonder and mystery, it was knowledge I wanted to own. Those few seconds sparked a chain reaction that took my life off the path it was going and down a more challenging and complicated yet interesting route. Four years later I have a better understanding of the nature of that promise. To master everything in BJJ means never stopping. It is a sport that is constantly evolving, to throw some metaphors around it is like a busy city that never sleeps. You can't let yourself get too comfortable, as even when you think you know the city like the back of your hand things can change. Just as the very essence of the city can be affected by the people in it, jujitsu too is changed and moulded by the athletes that push the boundaries and make it their own. Maybe I make things more complex than they need to be, I could probably be happy enough working up through the ranks of a 9-5 and going out getting drunk and doing what ever everyone else is doing but I would always be living with a broken promise. There is something in my nature that seems to rebel against normality and being settled, it used to bother me but I guess its better to embrace that and work even harder on days where I feel like this. Like I said in my last post things are never dull and in many ways I'm thankful for that. There will be days like today where I feel a bit lost but there will be many more moments where I feel like I have pushed myself and become a stronger and better person because of it. Melancholy aside I spent my day planning, plotting and organising and feel like I will wake up tomorrow a bit more at ease with the world.My cure for most things is to book a holiday and I got my flights for California. I have always dreamt of doing the IBJJF worlds and I cant wait to train at all the amazing gyms over there. As such I have decided to cut to a lower weight class which means an annoyingly strict diet but I have abs now check it out!